Last night I could not sleep! I laid in bed an hour pondering my unsettled spirit over a situation where I'd been praying about, for someone "to learn the error of their ways", "to be led on the right path" and to realize they have been sinning before God through pride and wrong motives. To hopefully realize it's been effecting those around them in an ungodly way. This person had frustated me to the point that I struggled to even be in their presence. I would literally pray Scripture in my head just to get through the battle in my mind that was bulilding up. At one point I even thought my memory verse, 2 Timothy 3:16, was God's way of telling me I need to be the person to help "teach, rebuke, correct, and train them in righteousness" using His word to show them the way. The person I'm speaking of is another Christian woman who I felt was in a position to know what she was doing. As I laid in bed, I finally got up and the Lord spoke softly to my spirit to watch some "Wednesday's with Beth" (from the Life Today program) on the computer. I absolutely love these teachings and have watched many of them over the past year, and could watch them endlessly, because they're filled with so much Truth and encouragement straight from God Himself. When I got to the website, I prayed, "which one do you want me to watch, Lord?"... He directed me to a 3 part series I needed to hear! I soaked in all three (it was 2:30 am!)...I was alert and awake... I internalized them. Thank You, God for how you speak Your profound Truth through Beth Moore! and, Thank you, Beth, for being such a servant to the Lord that magnifies God from glory to glory.
As I finished the last of the three part series, I realized it was I that needed to be "shown the error of her ways" and "be led on the right path" .
I had several OUCH moments with God last night.
*FIRST- He showed me that my memory verse for this past week was (and is) for Him to teach, rebuke, correct and train ME in righteousness, not for me to use it on others in self righteousness. I am not her or any one's Holy Spirit.
*SECOND- God also showed me in 1 Peter 5:5 that I am to ...clothe myself with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." OUCH! God, I have been filled with pride these past weeks as much as she has! I'm finally getting it! The verse goes on to say, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7) I knocked MYSELF down by allowing the enemy authority to work through the situation; and only God can lift me up.
*I was casting my anxiety on Him (kept praying Phil 4:6-8), but it was with wrong motives, in the manner of "fix HER, Lord" to be right in my sight, rather than, "FIX ME" to be right in your (God's) sight... a THIRD OUCH! Funny how easy it is to see fault in others and critize what we think their motives are and not as easy to see it in ourselves until we allow God to peal the scales off our eyes.
So here I am, a self righteous, prideful, sinner with messed up motives... OUCH!
As I have gone to the Lord for direction over the past number of weeks, He had given me a number of Scriptures, but I was somewhat hard headed to see the message in them for me; I was too focused on HER wrong doings and the message for her. Now that I feel as though He's shown me a fresh revelation of where my heart and attitude have been, I will back track these verses and pray them out loud so that I will be lined up with God's heart and character and no longer be played by the enemy who was devouring me through this situation (1 Peter 5:8).
I asked God, "should I approach this fellow Christian and tell her what's occured?... " I asked, "Lord, do I say something to her about this?" At this time, I believe God said, "No... (the reason)- He has me in the process of taking the planks out of my own eyes at this time, that trying to take the specks out of another person's eye is wrong and hypocritical (Matthew 7:3-5). Even as I write this, I still know I've got some pride issues He's still emptying me of. God will show her through "OUCH" moments of her own in His time, His way. He is in control. At some point He may lead me to speak the truth in love to her; for now, I will wait for His direct lead.
Prayer: Thank You God for Your Truth. Thank You that you discipline those you love- and by Your Holy Spirit in me, I was able to recognize my sins against You through the "OUCH" moments you allowed me last night and today. Thank You that you give grace to the humble and have brought me to this place to grow me up more in Christ. Please forgive me for my sins against you- in my feelings toward a sister in Christ who I truly don't know very well. You know her heart and motives; and though my feelings were real, only You know if they were "Holy". My heart is deceitful and I ask you to create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. I know that my feelings led to sin, and for that I repent. I lift this Christian woman in prayer that you will continue to wrap her in Your love, and that she has overflowing favor from you. Lord Thank You for the wonderful people you've placed in my life, for the privilege of prayer and for Your love and grace that is never ending. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
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